I'm Gone
by GUNNer-3
Summary: He hates himself. He's a drunk. He wants to die... and his name is Jack.
1. My Puppy Alarm Clock

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon. duh lol**

**---**

I fucked up.

I don't even know how or why. I thin- no I know, some where along the line I screwed everything up. So there I found myself yet again in the corner of the Blue Bar. I don't know how I could let myself let her go. I lost her love. and It's no ones fault but my own.

"Hey Jack, you okay?"

I looked up from the red sleeve of my shirt to see a blurry Griffin, half hearted I slurred out a yes.

"No. Your not. I think Muffy served you one to many again."

The grip on my drink tightened, and I lifted it to my mouth, downing the last bit. With that he walked away from me sighing annoyed, though I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or Muffy.

It felt like I blinked and he was back in front of me again.

"Wo-whoa... stop te- stop tele- stop fucking porting!"

"Okay Rock, take him home please."

"Come on Jack."

I felt them both grabbing my arms and forcefully start to raise me up.

"I can do it!" I mumbled "fuckin' wizards..."

I slammed the chair back, and stood up. More like wabbled up. Next thing my drunk ass new, was that I was in Rocks room.

"Okay, Jack. Your not going home till you sober up a bit."

"Fuck you."

"Alcohol talkin"

"Fu-fuck you"

"Shut up and sit down. I'm not letting you go home to Nami and your baby son like this. I'm going down to the kitchen to get you some food."

15 minutes later I was slowly on my way to sober land, with a piece of bread in my hand and five more on my lap, along with a bottle of vodka filled with water. Cause my drunk ass refused to drink H2O. But this "vodka" was fine.

"Finish it all, and your free to go"

"Pffft... when unicorns fly i-I'll finish this."

"Eat all the bread Jack!"

"No."

"Eat it!"

"NO!"

"EAT IT!"

"Fackk fine, yessh SARGENT!" I saluted him to emphasize my rudeness.

Another fifteen mintues passed by and I downed the last bit of the "vodka" and wiped my mouth. I leaned back on the couch with my head back. I was a lot less drunk then I had been. My mind was starting to realize what was going on. This was why I hated getting sober, cause everything just came back and hit me hard all at once. Rock led me outside, and then to the entrance to my farm. Leaving me on my own.

I slowly started walking to the door of my house. It was probably around 3:30 am by now. I couldn't go in. I just couldn't. I didn't deserve to. Leaning against the front door, I slid down to sit on my ass. Pulling my legs closer to my chest. I heard a wine beside me. Looking over I saw it was Pluto. It didn't help that he was wearing the saddest expression I'd ever seen cross his face. He walked the few steps too me, resting his head on my knee. Running my fingers threw my hair, I looked down at him.

"I fucked up Pluto. I fucked up bad"

He barked back, I just assumed that this was a "Yes, yes you did"

I thought I heard some shuffling from inside, but I just ignored it.

"I know boy... I know. I don't know what happened, I don't know if I could muster up something for you either. I just... my son. Being a father scares me. Especially now when I cant control myself."

My eyes started to water.

"That is no excuse... I cant help it. I tried so many times to stop myself from going to the bar. I know by the looks Nami gives me, that she just thinks I'm drunk and flirting with Muffy, when I'm there."

My throat got tight.

"I swear Pluto I don't. I don't want another woman but Nami. I cant even tell my own wife that, she'd never believe me"

I started to cry

I hit her. So many times, theres hardly a time when I come home drunk, that I don't hit her at least once. I cant believe she's still here."

I began to sob.

"I punish myself for doing it to her too Pluto."

I looked over at my left arm.

"Why do you think I've changed my wardrobe to red shirts basically. To cover it... cause I don't know when I'll do it. When it comes to be to much being sober, or sometimes I'll wake up from a drunk night, with dry blood on my arm and not even remember doing it!"

My head fell to my knees, the sobs spilled out, I didn't try to stop. I needed it out. Pluto laid beside me and did the only thing he could to help me. He listened.

---

I was stuck in that half asleep half awake state, until I felt a nudge on my side, and then a whimper. I slowly opened my eyes connecting them with Pluto's.

"Thanks boy." I said getting up and patting my alarm clock puppy on the head.

Looking to the sky, it looked around 6ish. Nami would be getting up in a half hour, and I didn't want her to find me still sitting outside the door. Or she would just think my drunk ass didn't even make it inside. Looking around my eyes landed on the barn. Walking over I stepped inside, Takaura had been feeding them when I'd not be around to do it. Which was almost always.

Walking in I was practically trampled by Goofy. My silly sheep who always followed me around the pasture. This felt so weird... Doing this again, I hadn't done actual farm work in what seemed like, and probably was a long time. I patted him on the head and walked over to Mickey and Alice. She mooed as a greeting, and I rubbed her head. I Looked over at Mickey.

"Were gonna go on a ride today Mick."

I filled all their feed boxes with fodder, and pushed them outside. Walking over to the field beside my house I stopped and counted to 18. Yawning out of tiredness not boredom. I whistled for Mickey to come. My red orange horse came running, just as I climbed aboard, I heard the door crack open. I stopped and looked up as Nami walked outside, for a second I thought she wanted to say something, but I just doubted it. I knew she was just on her way to the chicken coop to check on them, and collect eggs.

"Heya!" I shouted kicking Mickey's sides rearing him to the left to run. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I couldn't speak to her, I could hardly look at her. I didn't deserve to...

**---**

"Hiya Jack! Haha" came Vesta's booming voice into my ear. "How ya doing?"

"Been better."

"Things have ways of working themselves out, I've been told Jack."

"When pigs fly Ves"

She shook her head at me and laughed. "What can I do for you though."

"I need some seeds."

"Seeds?! HAHA. My faithful customer had returned!"

"No mockery please Vesta." I sighed

I had once told her when I was drunk, that I would never ever buy seeds again in my life from anywhere ever again. She told me the next day I'd be back, and 5 months later here I was.

"Could I just get 18 carrot seeds."

Just then the door flew open and Celia pretty much flew in.

"Whoa slow down there young lady!"

"Vesta! All the preperations for the Harvest Festival are all done!" She smiled.

"Are they? Already, with two days still left to go?" Vesta questioned.

"Yea! Marlin, took over some of my chores so I could finish it early, instead of rushing to get the last details in later."

"Hey Celia"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Hi Jack! I've just been so excited for this years festival. Were doing a new theme."

"Oh really?"

I remember attending the festival in the past. The food was always awesome, Ruby's cooking was the best. But I really didn't wanna go anywhere near the bar in the middle of the day.

"You should come Jack!" Vesta boomed.

"Oh um well... Thanks for the offer, but I dunno, I think I'm going to have to pass..."

"Aww Come on Jack!" Celia spilled.

"No, no I couldn't. I uh, got work to catch up on."

"Ah all right, suit yourself, here ya go. That'd be 720g." Vesta handed me the seeds.

I reluntantly spent that money on the seeds, at least it was put to better use then on the beer I would of spent it on tonight.

Returning to my farm I led Mickey back into the pasture. Bag of seeds in hand I walked back over to the field near my house. I ran and got my hoe from the tool shed and began to dig up holes in the ground for seeds.

"Damn why does this thing have to be so damn big." I looked over at my watching puppy, "Clearly not made for me, eh boy?" I sighed.

This was making me tired, and fast. The 2 and a half hours of sleep last night wasn't working out for me at all. I bent down to pat in all the carrot seeds and watered them till the soil was dark.

**---**

Walking around with nothing left to do I started to feel the crave coming. It was starting to eat me away from the inside out, just like it did everyday. I had no spare money for the Blue Bar's cash register to suck up tonight. I swear that place was rankin' it in just from my wallet alone.

An hour later and I was biting my finger in the tool shed, almost ripping out my hair, and pacing like no end. I needed to go tonight. I needed to. I needed to feel the cool liquid run down my throat. I needed to get to the laughing stage, where everything in the damn world became funny. I needed to drink past that until I passed out. Just so I could have a dreamless night, but I had no money.

_'You could steal it..' _

_"What the hell from where." _

_'From van?' _

_"He's not here!" _

_'Go take back your money from the bar.' _

_"Your stupid." _

_'Haaaha you just called yourself stupid.' _

_"No I called you stupid!" _

_'Hate to break it to ya, but I'm your thoughts.' _

_"No shit ding dong!"  
_

_'Why hello, how are you? Oh me? I'm fine, thanks for asking.' _

_"Shut up."_

**---**

I was going to explode and I didn't want to, I was going to go off if I didn't do something soon. I crouched in the corner of the shed. The anxiety was killing me. The knot in my throat tied tight. I slowly reveled my pocket knife.

I flicked it open...

Hand shaking...

Throat stuck...

Eyes wide...

Close to my wrist I held it in a tight grip. Pushing down, I dragged it across as easily as a knife in warm butter.

Hand still...

No sound...

Eyes closed...

All the sound of the world faded away, I couldn't hear anything besides my shallow breathing. I felt the cool liquid run off my skin and seep into the ground below. Pulling down my sleeve, head in my hands. I sat for the longest time, until I knew what I had to do.

But when I would do it... I didn't know.

**---**

**Hey guys, what did ya think? a lot of Jack here, but more Nami is to come.**

**This was originally going to be a one shot, But then as I wrote it just turned into something more lol. It wont be a super long fic, but I plan to do a Nami pov, and then probably another Jack. umm but ya, I haven't written in a long while lol. So if it's not that good please tell me. Reviews are welcomed =] **

**-GUNNer**

**p.s. yes I know. I like to name my animals after Disney characters lol  
**


	2. Room Without a Door

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Harvest Moon**

**Enjoy lol**

---

This isn't real...

I can't understand how this happened, or even more why it happened. Was it something I did. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know...

"Mommy?"

"Yes Nathan?"

"Where's daddy?"

"I- I don't know hun"

I returned to the dishes I was washing, I gave no attention to what I was doing exactly. I was too distracted, pissed off, annoyed, and most of all heart broken.

"Mommy...?"

Why.. Why did he do this to us, I don't even know why I'm still here. I should of left so long ago. I should of packed up our stuff and left with our son. I'd never leave Nathan behind. I would never make him grow up with a drunk as a father.

"Mommy."

This was so pointless, he had no more purpose left in life. He was consumed by drinking, and that was all. He never even looked after the farm animals anymore. He hadn't planted anything for at least 3 seasons. I would do it my self but I cant, I have Nathan to look after and the chickens and a house to keep up. I wouldn't ask Takaura to look after planting also, after I'd already asked him to look after the barn animals. So I would just go and stock up on food every now and then in Mineral Town.

"Mommy!"

"...Oh! Wait, what? Yes?"

"That dish is clean now mommy."

I looked down at the dish in my hand, and I realized I had been scrubbing it the whole time. I sighed, rinsed it off, and put it in the drying rack.

"Thanks Nate. Go play with your toys now while I finish up, I'll be in to tuck you into bed."

"Okie dokie Mama"

He had so much of his father in him. His love for animals, plants, and the farm it's self. Even his smile was Jack's. I remember once he attempted to fish but the rod was to big and his hands were to small. Leaving here with Nathan. I'd never really be able to fully leave Jack behind. Nathan would be right there everyday, even though he may look just like me. He would remind me of Jack constantly.

Things weren't always like this. Jack use to be himself even after Nathan was born. Though it wasn't long after that, that he started to go down hill. He slowly started to neglected his farm work. It started with not planting seeds, and I just assumed that he wanted to focus more on raising the animals, and by that we would still have enough money to go and buy food.

But then it started to seem like we were having less and less income from the farm. Jack was coming home later and later, not shit face at first, but it slowly grew to being still a little sober, to laughing drunk, to complete fuck head. Then after that started happening I realized where all our money was going. So I asked Takaura to look after the animals and I would tend to the chickens. That way we could still live here on the farm.

Then something I thought that he would never ever do happened...

He hit me.

Struck me across the face or my side. Only when he was shit face. He would come home, with eyes that looked like they were ready to cry. Shaking hands, unsteady feet. At those times I knew that the Jack I knew was completely gone. He was trapped somewhere in a room without a door. Hiding in a corner sobbing. Waiting for the darkness to go away.

---

Walking out into the the living room, I saw that Nathan had fallen asleep on the floor in front of his toy blocks. I glanced over at the clock reading 12:25am. Lifting Nathan into my arms I walked over to his blue bed that use to be Jacks before we married. I took off his blue hat, and tucked him into bed. Leaving his hat on the side of his bed.

Just then the phone in the kitchen rang, and I ran to go get it before it woke Nathan.

"Hello?"

_"Hey Nami."_

"Hi Ruby, how you doing?"

_"Oh I'm fine, was just heading off too bed in 10 minutes or so. How are you hun?"_

Ruby had become like a mother to me, she always treated me with motherly love, even at the start, when I came to the valley 4 years ago.

"I'm fine.."

_"Hey Nami..."_

"Yea?"

_"You know you and Nathan can always come and stay here with us."_

"I know Ruby... I know."

Nathan started to cry.

"Ruby, I gotta go Nathan is crying. Sorry.."

_"No, it's okay Nami. Call me some time tomorrow if you can."_

"Ok I will, bye Ruby"

_"Bye hun..."_

_-click-_

She only wanted to help me and Nathan because she cared. I sped walked back into the main room of the house and to Nathan's side. I sat down on his bed, and embraced him in a hug.

"What is wrong hun?" I asked in a soothing voice.

"A-a mo-monster!"

"A monster was scaring you?"

"N-no, it was hu-hurting daddy."

I rubbed his back in a effort to ease his fear.

"Want me to sleep here tonight?"

"Ye-yes mama"

"Okay I will. I'll make sure the monster doesn't come back."

"Y-you'll protect daddy right mama?"

"...Yea hun I will..."

I laid down beside him and held him in a motherly cuddle. His sobs slowly grew to whimpers, and he finally fell back asleep, and so did I.

**---**

I woke up with a start. I had just had a bad dream, but I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was about. I looked down to see a sleeping Nathan all snuggled inside his blanket and warm. I stretched my body, and felt a cramp in my back. I sighed and slowly started getting up from the bed, so to not wake him.

I retreated to the kitchen to drink some water and stretch out the kink in my back. When I walked back out in the main room, I heard Pluto bark. I got a little scared, cause he usually didn't bark at this hour. I thought maybe someone was out there. Looking at the clock it was around 3:30ish. It couldn't of been Jack. He never came home until 4 at least. I couldn't get Takaura for help his house was too far away and he didn't have a house phone.

Just then I heard a familiar voice.

"I know boy... I know. I don't know what happened, I don't know if I could muster up something for you either. I just... my son. Being a father scares me. Especially now when I cant control myself."

It was Jack...

He didn't sound that drunk tonight. I walked quietly to the door and I was about to open it until.

"That is no excuse... I cant help it. I tried so many times to stop myself from going to the bar. I know by the looks Nami gives me, that she just think I'm drunk and flirting with Muffy, when I'm there."

My hand stopped mid air. Muffy... She was such a town slut, I just felt like she would flirt with him, and Jack being drunk would he would in return do the same.

"I swear Pluto I don't. I don't want another woman but Nami. I cant even tell my own wife that, she'd never believe me"

He sounded like he wanted to cry.

"I hit her. So many times, theres hardly a time when I come home drunk, that I don't hit her at least once. I cant believe she's still here."

And then he did...

I sank down to my knees.

I felt a knot in my throat starting to be tied.

"I punish myself for doing it to her too Pluto. Why do you think I've changed my wardrobe to red shirts basically. To cover it... cause I don't know when I'll do it. When it comes to be to much being sober, or sometimes I'll wake up from a drunk night, with dry blood on my arm and not even remember doing it!"

He was sobbing now...

I don't know how long I was sitting there for. Silent tears poured down my face, dripping on to the wooden floor.

He was quite now... He must of cried himself to sleep.

I slowly stood up from my spot on the other side of the door, and retreated to my bed.

Eyes red.

Face wet.

It was 4:40am...

**---**

Oh that stupid sound. That annoying ring just pissed me right off. Especially when I was dead tired. Rolling over, I slammed my hand down on it, laid there for another 5 minutes, then finally got up.

6 am.

"Oh Goddess.." I mumbled to myself.

It didn't help that the kink was still stuck in my back. I went over to my dresser, and picked out a set of cloths, and a black hoody. It was almost mid Autumn, so it was bound to be chilly outside. When I was all ready it was around a half hour later. After I'd finished up outside. I would start making breakfast.

When I neared the door, I was scared to open it. I don't know what exactly I could I do if he was still sitting there.

Grabbing the knob, I turned it slowly and crept out. At first I only saw Pluto sitting in front of his house. Then I turned to the left, and I saw him.

Messy hair.

Blood shot eyes.

Crumpled cloths.

I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't know what. At that he kicked his horse and off he was.

To where I didn't know. I just hope it wasn't the bar.

**---**

"Mommy."

"Yea hun."

"Where are we goin?"

"To grandma's and grandpa's"

"Really?!"

"Yes" I smiled at him

"YAY" He shouted out happily.

Opening the door, me and Nathan walked inside.

"Hey Tim." I called over to him behind the counter.

"Grandpa!" Nathan called out running over to him.

Tim picked him up into a big bear hug.

"How you guys doing?"

"Were managing."

"Nami!" I turned to look, and saw Ruby walking out from the kitchen

"Hey Ruby." I smiled

"Come, come and eat."

"We ate toast and bacon and eggs Grandma" Nathan called over.

"Oh well that wont do! You forgot something very important!"

"What? What?" He called out running over to her.

She knelt down to his level and whispered,

"Desert silly."

"OOH! Mama can I go eat desert?" I nodded my head with a smile.

I was about to follow the three of them in when Rock came down the stairs.

"Hey Nami."

"Hey."

"I took Jack here last night Nami, made him sober up a bit before he went home."

"Thank you Rock..." He only nodded his head.

"Isn't there nothing we can do..." He said rubbing his chin a sad expression on his face.

"I don't know Rock... I just don't know."

He and I both sighed and walked into the kitchen feeling defeated.

I don't know... It just might be too late, it just might not. How can I know for sure? I cant. I don't even know what to say to my own husband, but maybe... just maybe he needs to know, even with everything that has happened...

I still love him.

**---**

**So guys? Like? Dislike? Please tell me. preeety please? lol **

**But um just to make things more clear with the year things, As you know the 1st year Jack and Nami met and married, the 2nd year they lived together, the 3rd year they had a baby, and the 4th year was when all this started to happen. Just so no one is confused. **

**See ya laterss **

**-GUNNer**


	3. I'd tell her I was sorry

Hey! =] Well ya, i kinda stopped writing this for a while now. Cause I was getting no , so it felt like there was no point to keep writing it xD. And ya well, I have some inspiration lol. Just wanted to say thanks to famouswriter17 and Berlioz853 for the reviews =D. Glad you two like the story. =] Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

---

My eyes felt like they were glued shut.

For once the ground underneath me felt soft and comfy. It was as if I was laying on a cloud. I tired to open my eyes again, but they closed right away. The sunlight was blinding. I slowly lifted my hands to my face, and wiped away all the sleep in my eyes.

I tried to focus my mind on remembering what happened last night.  
All that came to was seeing Rock laughing his ass off...

and nothing else.

Shit.. I was as drunk as a jack ass last night then.

Nami's gonna be pissed.

I slowly began to open my eyes,  
I was a afraid of what I was going to find.  
Me being stupid, watch it be Nami with a pan waiting for me to wake up so she can smack my head so hard, I'm knocked out for a year.

I wouldn't be surprised.

All I saw was a blurry mess of fire red hair, a few inches away from my face.  
My eyes opened wide.

**"How the hell.."** I said quietly to myself.

This was so strange, Well this is what probably happened.

1) I got really drunk  
2) I made my way home  
3) It was around 3 am  
4) I snuck into bed.

And now if I don't sneak back out of this bed very, very soon. I am going to have a reallly pissed Nami on my hands.

I slowly lifted the covers off of my self, and gently put them down. Lifting my self up, I was about to move one of my legs out, when she began to stir.

I froze.

She rolled over, and it looked like she was still sleeping thankfully. I finally got my legs out and I sat there, just thinking.

This sucks.

**"...Jack?"**

My grip tightened on the bed, my eyes wide. My breath still.

_'Oh no..'_ I thought

_'Oh no, oh no oh no'_

**"I uh.."** I said.

**"Where are you going?"**

**"Huh..?"**

Oh.. I thought. She's half asleep. She's not thinking straight. She probably thinks what happening now is from 3 years ago.. When we were perfect. Perfectly in love.

**"Stay.."** She said eyes closed.

She had the cutest little frown across her lips. I adored it. I could never say no to that.  
I snuggled back in under the warm blankets. Wrapping my arms around her, she laid close. Tears began to drip from my eyes. Oh how I wish, I could wake up and find her still in my arms. I wish I could wake up and find out that this had all been a dream, and I was still my old self. I wish I could wake up and find Nami laying close beside me, and that I could kiss her growing tummy each and every day. I wish I could hold my new born son again. Oh how I just wished she would love me.

I fell into a deep sleep.  
Not ever wanting to wake up.  
And when I finally did.  
I was alone...

---

I rolled over stretching, making a high pitched squeal noise as I always did when I woke up.  
At least that's one thing that hasn't changed...

**"Daddy?"**

Aww.. great, I don't think I'm awake anymore.  
I swear I'd die over and over and over again, before he'd speak to me..

I rolled over a little afraid of what I would find.  
It was my son, I think.

He looked like Nami.  
Red hair  
Blue eyes

But his features, they were so familiar.

Like a dream that I knew I had but forgot everything that had happened in it when I woke up.

I guess the thing that confused me the most was that he looked like he could be 16 maybe even 17.

He looked angry, hurt. but mostly angry.

He pulled out a knife, and just looked at me.

**"Here." **He said coldly as he tossed the knife onto the bed.

By now I was sitting up and looking at him, then the knife, then him again.

**"What!"** He shouted.

**"Just go finish your self off already!" **a tear escaped his eyes.

**"What do you mean Nathan?"**

**"You know exactly what I mean."**

I stood up taking a step or two towards him. Then it came.

It hurt so bad, I hunched over in pain. I looked down and saw nothing it made no sense.  
When I looked back up, my son was gone. The only person I saw was someone familiar.

He had short shaggy brown hair.  
He looked healthy.  
Fit,  
Clean.

Then he changed, he crunched over in pain. His hair turned messy and almost dead looking.  
Blood shot eyes.  
Tired,  
His clean cloths were ripped and crumpled.  
Blood dripped from his side.

And then he spoke.

**"Your killing me Jack... Your killing us! THEM!"** he screamed.

He fell to his knees, tears pouring from his eyes.

I heard someone coming closer to us. I could barely turn my head to see who it was coming.  
But I did see red hair.

Nathan..

He tossed that same knife at the Jack across from me.

It landed at his feet, he stretched his arm out to reach for it, and my arm automatically did the same.  
I couldn't control it. I was reaching for air, as he was reaching for the dagger. He griped it, and as did I, but only I was griping air, and yet I could feel it in my hand.

He drew it back.

I copied.

He threw it forward, connecting with his chest as it stabbed into his skin.

and I did the same.

I screamed out in pain. It was unbearable. Unbelievable. I couldn't understand what was happening, it made no sense.

How am I over there, when I'm here.  
My son aged 16 years.  
My wife no where to be seen.  
This is too much. I don't get it!

I managed to open my eyes, to look at a angry Nathan.

**"Goodbye Jack."** He said.

Then it all faded to black...

---

Nami's POV

_'These chickens are crazy,'_ I thought to myself.

They clucked till no end, dancing around my feet as I spread the bird seed on the ground.  
I sighed. Looking around, I collected all the eggs I could see. I even lifted up one to get the egg from underneath her. She completely freaked out and pecked at my hand making me let go.

Pissed off as I was I marched out of the crazy coop.

**"FINE! don't say hi then Nami!"**

**"Huh?" I said looking over to see Rock.**

**"Oh hey, Sorry I didn't see you there."**

He laughed as he walked closer to me.

**"How's it goin'?"**

**"Pretty good I guess.. Just got attacked by a chicken."**

He broke out into a small fit of laughter.

**"Oh I just looove your sympathy Rock"**

**"Sorry, sorry."** He said through the small laugh.

**"So have you seen Jack at all today?"**

**"No.."** I said, **"I swear I heard him come outside when I was in the barn. So I just guessed he was going to see you."**

**"Nope not with me, I even checked the bar and everything."**

**"Really?"** I said.

**"Wanna go find him?"** Rock asked.

**"I guess so... Let's go check inside first"**

**"Kay"** Rock replied, turning to start his way towards the house.

I was a little scared of what we would find. If he was still inside I knew he did sleep in but com'on sleeping in until almost 4pm. That's a little much.

We made it to the front door, I pushed it open and we peered inside. I think he was on the bed, still sleeping. Well that's what it looked like.

**"Found him."**

Rock looked at me, then made his way over to Jack.

**"Hey bud, wake up."** He said nudging him but he didn't wake up, or even move at all.  
Rock looked over at me and motioned for me to come over. I looked down at him, he looked...

Dead almost.

Then Rock bent over and shook him violently. Jack's eyes snapped open and he took in a sharp breath. He almost immediately sat up, pulled at his hair, felt his face, patted his chest and side, looking down to see if something was there.

**"Jack?"** I said confused.

He slowly turned his head to look at me. It was scary. He looked so tired, even though he probably got close to 14 hours of sleep.

**"Time to get up sleepy head!"**

Rock said loudly yanking Jacks arm pulling him almost out of the bed. All the while, Jack hardly responded. He didn't even care about what Rock was doing to him.

**"I'm not a baby.."** Jack mumbled.

**"Sureee there buddy." **Rock said, though you could hear the clear joke in his voice.

Taking a deep breath Jack slowly stood, He was wearing a red long sleeve shirt, and his boxers.  
He turned his face to look at me, he was about to say something, until Rock started pushing him away towards the shower. Completely oblivious as to what Jack was trying to do.

**"You go get cleaned up, and come with me and Nami to the Inn. It's time you actually talked to some people again Jack."**

Jack was mumbling something under his breath, as he searched through his dresser for clean cloths.

---

Jack's POV

**"Ass.."** I grumbled as I dug through my drawers.

I slammed the drawer shut once I had found my cloths. I didn't really mean to, but I was really pissed off and angry and mind fucked from that dream I had. It doesn't help either that I can't even talk to anyone about it... They would just throw me across the sea to the psycho ward.

I dragged my self over to the shower and jumped in. Once I had finished getting dressed and cleaned up. I walked back out into the main room to see Rock and Nami watching the weather channel. I gazed at the tv to see a man in a suit talking about the weather saying that it was going to rain.

**"Don't listen to him."** I said plainly.

They both looked up at me a little confused.

**"That guy is always wrong." **I shrugged and walked over to the front door to put on my shoes.

**"Are we going or what?" **I asked clearly annoyed.

They both got up and put on their shoes. It was weird they weren't talking much at all. It was probably because I was there. I know- well I have a very strong feeling that no one really wants my good for nothing ass around anymore. I'm sure if I just walked out and left no one would care. No one would even notice. They would all go on living and maybe one day it would hit someone that I wasn't around. Then if that did happen I bet you any money, they would just think that I got really drunk one night, and either fell into the river and drifted out to sea and drowned. Or just died from alcohol poisoning somewhere in a ditch.

**"Jack?"**

It made me feel even more like a piece of shit thinking about it, but I knew it was true. So whatever. Whats done is done, I can't change it. I wish I could...

But I can't.

**"Jack!"**

I snapped out of my thinking. Looking around I noticed that we were in the Inn.

**"Oh... um hey Tim.."** I said dumbly.

I heard a little pitter patter running sound coming from the right of me in the kitchen. Then Nathan came running out and Ruby followed behind.

**"Hello everyone" **she smiled.

**"Daddy!"** Nathan shouted running over to me.

I looked down at him, so innocent. I am so happy he is too young to understand. But I know he knows that I'm not around all the time, and that I act differently sometimes. I know he sees what happens, but he's to young to understand exactly what is going on.

**"Up! up!"** He giggled out.

I bent over and picked him up giving him a hug, I bounced him in the air a few times and then just held him. I looked around because I got that weird feeling like someone was watching me. First I looked over at Tim and Ruby but they were talking to Rock, then I cranked my head more to see Nami staring at me. I really couldn't tell if it was a good look or a bad look though.

**"Look who's that Nathan?"** I asked him pointing at Nami to try and make it not awkward.

**"It's Mommy! Silly Daddy!"** He laughed.

**"Let's go see Mommy!"** He said again.

I hesitated for a second or two then walked over to her.

She looked ever more beautiful close up.

I sighed. A sad sigh.

I tired to put a smile on but I could feel the fakeness in it across my face, and I knew it was showing.

**"Hey Chumbum"** She said smiling at Nathan. **"You wanna go and see Uncle Rock?"**

**"Yea!"** He shouted out. I set him down on the floor, and watched him as he ran over to Rock, Tim, and Ruby.

She turned to look back at me.

**"Can we talk Jack?"**

Oh no... This is it. It's over. She's going to end it today. I know it. I fucked up for the last time. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even get a simple breath out of my lungs so I only nodded. I was terrified, I thought I'd have more time. I don't know how I thought that, I guess it was just my last little leaf of hope, but now I know for sure that it's Winter, and that last leaf is dead and gone.

She started walking up the stairs, so I followed. No one even looked at us. Them making me come here was starting to make more sense.

It was all starting to feel like a trap,  
and I just walked right into it.  
I wanted to turn and run.  
Run away and never come back,  
run away and die somewhere.  
Somewhere they wouldn't find my body.  
I didn't deserve to be buried.  
I would let myself rot, alone and away from all of them.  
After all... you get what you paid for in the end.

Nami led me to her old bedroom that she used to live in before we got married.  
I shut the door behind me as I walked in.

**"Who are you."**

I looked at her.

**"Who the FUCK are you?!"**

I'm scared. She's scaring me. I felt like a child being yelled at by his parents. That fear you get at that moment in time.

**"I..I'm..."**

I stuttered to find words to say.

She stared at me waiting. Her hair seemed to be glowing even more red then it usually did. I didn't even know that that was possible.

**"I don't know.."** I sighed.

She turned away from my eyes, and I sat down on the bed. Resting my elbows on my knees and my head on my hands. I felt a knot in my throat, and if I spoke another word I knew I would break out into tears.

**"I don't even know why I'm still here..."** She whispered under her breath but I heard it anyways.

**"Then I'll just go Nami!"** The knot broke. **"I'll leave you all the fuck alone, how 'bout that. It sounds pretty darn good to me.**"

I could feel the tears pouring down my face, it felt like a little piece of my sanity was dripping away with every single tear.

**"I know for a fact that everyone will agree! I've lost the privilege to have people care about me."**

I stood up and was about to leave when she spoke again.

**"Shut up Jack! Who the FUCK said to you that they didn't care!"**

My eyes were locked on the door.

**"Walk out that door if you want to. But know if you do, you can never come back. Because it's not us giving up on you. It's you giving up on yourself!"**

She took a step closer to me.

**"If you walk out, it means you don't care about yourself anymore, you don't care about US anymore!"**

**"I stopped caring about myself a long time ago Nami..."** I said in a quite voice, my eyes never leaving the door.

I could feel her gaze locked on to me.

**"What about us then? Did you stop caring about us to?"**

I could hardly breathe, **"N-no..."**

My heart was racing my head was pounding. I needed to get rid of this feeling. I could feel it eating my body from the inside out. It hurt so bad.

I needed a blade.  
I needed a drink.  
I needed my drug.  
I needed my death.  
I wanted my death.

I could get what I wanted so easily.  
I could die right now,  
then I could be free.  
Free from myself.  
Free from this world.  
Free from this pain.  
I could free everyone else from Jack.  
From Jack the Monster.

and maybe, just maybe.  
Before I would take in that last breath.  
The old me would come back.  
The old me would smile at his love,  
tell her not to cry,  
tell her it was all going to be okay.  
and most of all I'd tell her I was sorry.

**"Jack..."** She said.

I could feel the pressure on my mind go up.  
The pain went up.  
My heart beat too.

I fell to my knees,  
everything was dizzy.  
The room was spinning,  
I couldn't see,  
I couldn't breathe.

I was trying my best to keep it all in focus. I didn't want to pass out, I didn't... I couldn't.

**"I.. I need to go."**

I tried to stand but I couldn't. I crawled to the door and used the handle to hoist my dead weight up. Using the wall as a guide I followed it to the stairs. I thought I could hear her speaking behind me, but I couldn't make any of her words out. It sounded like static, like a muffled voice.

I made it too the stairs.  
I was almost out.  
So close,  
and yet...

So far.

---

Hey everybody! =] How did you all like this chap? I worked hard on it. Sorry I left a semi cliff.  
So read and review and make me smile lol :D

-GUNNer


	4. Sharp Little Paint Brush

ENJOY!! =D LoL Sorry guys this took so long for me to post up! =[ Next chapter can be expected to come out sooner then this one did for sure, I haven't given up on this :D Oh ya.. and I don't own Harvest Moon. But I do own the story line!

---

Jacks POV

I could feel my conscious ripping me back to life. I tried to fight it. I didn't want to come back, I didn't want to face everyone.

I could hear voices.

**"The reason he passed out was from an anxiety attack."** said a voice that sounded like a man. **"He was lucky though. The fall down the stairs only gave him a concussion."**

**"That's good."** I recognized this voice, it sounded like it could be Ruby.

**"Nami could I speak with you in private for a moment."**

Nami was here? I thought she hated me, why would she be here... Where ever here was.  
I could hear their foot steps, they sounded like they were getting closer to me.

**"Nami... I think Jack is depressed, and very stressed..."**

**"What do you mean?"** I could hear the fear in her voice, but I don't know why it was there.

**"When I was examining his body. To make sure nothing was broken... I- well I found something."**

I could feel him move the blanket off of my upper body, and I heard her gasp. It was like her gasp ripped me the rest of the way back, making me slowly open my eyes. At first everything was blurry, then when it all cleared I could see Nami and Dr. Hardy.

**"Fuck..."** I mumbled.

My head was aching, it pounded in sync with my heart beat. I tried to lift my arm to rub my head but I couldn't. It was tied down to the bed.

**"What the fuck is this?!"** I said getting pissed off very, very fast.

**"It's for your own safety."** The Dr. said calmly.

**"Just let me go!"**

**"We will in time."**

**"In time? What the hell, how 'bout now sounds nice! Ow, fuck."**

I said dropping my head back onto the pillow.

**"Does your head hurt Jack?"**

**"No my nose does."** I said sarcastically.

I watched the Dr. as he jotted down something on a piece of paper. He then walked over to one of the cabinets and pulled out what looked like a bottle of pills.

**"He'll need to take one of these once a day. Around noon would be good."**

Nami only nodded.

**"I'm not taking anything."**

**"You will, unless you want to potentially slip into a coma."**

I shut up right there.  
I wanted to say 'That would be nice.' in a serious way,  
but that would probably make me end up staying in here even longer.

**"Unfortunately Forget-Me-Not doesn't have the help available for Jack that he needs. So the best I can do is to prescribe pills for depression."**

Nami only nodded again, her eyes were red and wet.

**"Stop talking like I'm not here."** I said to him.

I watched him as he walked over to his supplies, he handed a roll of gauze to Nami and kept the other one in his hand. He walked back over to me and unvelcro the strip around my wrist. Gently lifting up my arm he began to wrap the gauze around. My eyes went wide.

Stitches ran up my arm in several different places.

**"These are a few days old, but they would not of healed properly with out stitches."** He said looking up at me.

The sad thing was I couldn't even remember doing all of them. I could see the many layers of scars all over, but my mind stayed blank.

He gently placed my arm back down, it was bandaged from my elbow to my wrist.

**"Can I have my cloths.."** I said expressionless.

I reached over and pulled off the other restrain so I could sit up. I slowly got up out of the bed.

**"Jack please lay back down."**

I ignored him, I saw where my cloths were so I picked them up and went into the bath room. Within a few minutes I was out of the stupid Clinic dress, and back in my old red shirt and blue jeans. All the while the Dr. kept getting more and more angry with me.

I looked at him with dead eyes and said **"Thank you."**

As I started to walk I lost balance for a second but regained it when I grabbed something to help me stay standing.

**"Jack stop"** Nami's voice pleaded.

I couldn't stop, I couldn't stay. I wanted to get as far away as this small town would physically let me, if that wasn't enough I had my other way. My other exit, that would take me so high up I would never ever come down. My eyes looked straight ahead, until I came to it.

The Blue Bar.

I didn't want to stop, I really truly didn't, but I had no control. None. It was either this or that. This was starting to feel like a dream. The ones you have no control over. Where they play out just like a movie your watching. My feet began to move out from under me. My mind was screaming yes, It hurt my ears so bad. My heart shouted no.

'_YES do it JACK!'_

_'No, please don't!'_

_'Do it! Do it! Buy a drink. Buy the strongest shit there, and drink it all'_

_'Don't Jack, please Don't!.... I know. you can cut! CUT INSTEAD!'_

_'Don't cut Jack, drinking is so much better Listen to me.'_

_'NO! Listen to me, cut Jack, cut away the pain. Cut deep. Cut so deep you can fall into a peaceful sleep, and never come back.'_

_'Why would he want that?'_

_'I know its what you want Jack. I know all you want to do is drift away. Let me help you get there.'_

**"Shut up! JUST SHUT UP!"**

I slammed the door wide open to the Blue Bar. Muffy was standing behind the counter with a cloth in her hand. She looked at me wide eyed and scared.

**"Jack?" **She said taking a step back.

**"Muff, I need a box of beer to go."**

**"O-oh okay..."**

She said moving quickly to the back pulling open a small fridge that held the cases of beer the Blue Bar sold. She hauled the box of 12 on to the counter. I slapped down the money, that I had in my pocket, on the table and grabbed the case with my right hand, and walked out the door. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know where to go. No matter where I went, or what I did I couldn't win. I just couldn't. If I went back home, I would be forced pills for the depressed. If I drank all of this, I would end up probably back into the clinic. If I cut, I don't know what would happen if I cut. I had no idea what to do. I was freaking out. I couldn't take it anymore. Looking around I noticed I was on the bridge, I ran over to Vesta's farm. Completely ignoring the house, I ran into the shipping house beside the main house. I quickly glanced around, and grabbed a pen and paper off one of the clip boards and ran back outside before anyone noticed. Rushing back to the bridge, I quickly scribbled my sloppy writing on the paper and rushed back to my house. I was about to slip in under the door, when I began to have second thoughts.

I let out a harsh sigh, crumpling up the paper I walked inside.

No one home.

Of course, what had I expected. A welcome home party?

**"Yea right..."** I said tossing the paper into the garbage can.

I could feel my self slipping. Slipping away into the deep red dark. I didn't want to go there. I didn't, I could get out before I fell in too deep. I could grab a ledge and pull myself up. Then again I had no control. The darkness hit when ever it wanted, when ever it could. Walking into the kitchen my eyes searched. Searched for something sharp, something cold. When my eyes finally landed on it I quickly moved across the room. I grasped the Sharp meat cutting knife. It was clean and unstained. I slowly lifted my sleeve up and looked down. I couldn't cut here... I know for sure Nami will make me get check ups from now on and the Dr. Hardy will see it for sure. Slipping the knife into my left hand I lifted up my other sleeve. I was shocked a little. So clean, unscarred, not tainted.

Until today.

This beautiful canvas was mine to create.  
It was calling me.  
With my artistic ability ready to burst.  
and the paint brush in hand,  
I slide it gently across my skin.  
I smiled as I watched the red begin to smear.  
Wonderful vertical lines created a road up my arm.  
I could feel my self being lifted up into the light,  
For now at least.

I made sure not to press too hard.  
I didn't want to wreck this painting so soon.  
I didn't need another visit to Dr. Ass.

Just as I was about to draw again, I heard the front door open up. I quickly rinsed the knife under hot water, and put it on the counter where the other dirty ones were. I rushed into the

bathroom door, just as Nami opened the kitchen one. I quickly wrapped toilet paper around my arm, and pulled down my sleeve.

**"Jack? You in there?"**

I didn't reply, I just opened the door and looked at her.

**"Why did you bring me to the clinic?**" I asked plainly.

**"Why? What do you mean why! You fell down the stairs Jack"**

**"You should of just left me there, you should of let me wake up on my own..."**

**"Why! so we would-"**

**"Wouldn't what eh?"** I asked.

I knew I was being an ass but I was still angry about being exposed. I felt so much smaller now... Eventually word would spread and then the whole village would know. I didn't need any more pressure...

**"Wouldn't see Jack. So we wouldn't see what you've done to yourself."**

**"You should be happy, I'm getting what I deserve."** I stated with no expression.

**"Happy? HAPPY! How in the world would you think that knowing yo- you cut would make me happy."**

I shrugged my shoulders, I focused on the feeling of the blood sinking through the tissue. The feel of it sliding down my skin. I pulled up arm up close to my chest and held it there crossing my arms to not cause her to think anything. She turned her back on me and shuffled through a plastic bag pulling out two pill bottles.

**"I'm not taking those. I don't need pills! I can fix this myself."**

**"Jack. You think you can stop a coma? You think you can stop depression?!"**

I didn't reply.

**"Do you want to die Jack!?"**

Again I said nothing.

She took out a pill from each bottle, walking over to me she held out her hand and waited for me to take them.

**"I'm not a child..."** I said.

**"Well I know you won't take these on your own that's for sure."**

I could feel my self falling, that black was returning. It seemed to be that the more I cut. The less it kept me in the clouds. So I would have to cut deeper and longer to keep me higher. I took the few steps to the kitchen table and plopped myself down. I laid my head on my arms and let the tears slowly fall out of my eyes.

**"I can't do this anymore... I won't out. I just want out, that's all I want."**

I heard her pull out the chair across my me and sit down.

**"Jack..."** She whispered.

**"I want to leave... I want to end this forever. I want to drift away. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."**

I didn't even realize I was saying all of this out loud. It felt like I was thinking everything single word. I felt her hand rest on my arm. She didn't dare touch my left arm, but the fact her hand

was resting on my right one didn't help much either.

**"Just leave me... Just leave me here alone so I can finish what I started almost two years ago, okay? Just go, take everything. Take all the money, take Nathan. Take the animals. Take it all and go somewhere else. Start fresh, please for me? Just go and start fresh with out me. I wont be in the way, I wont cause anymore pain."**

**"No..."** She said.

I looked up. **"Did... did I just say all that out loud..?"**

She didn't dare speak another word, but only nod her head.  
I could feel the tears dripping from my eyes.  
Tears I didn't want to shed.  
Tears I didn't want to show.  
I lifted my hands up to my head and pulled on my hair, with out noticing my sleeve slipped down, and no. It wasn't the left one.

**"Jack why..? Please just tell me why."**

I looked back up following her eyes to my arm. I pulled the sleeve back down and pulled my arms under the table. I locked eyes with her then looked away.

**"It.. It helps me escape the dark."**

**"The dark?"** she inquired.

I sighed, I guess I could say. I really had nothing left to loose.

**"The deep red dark. The dark that pulls me in and keeps me locked up for hours on end..."**

Then after that I shut my mouth up tight. No more. I didn't want to say anymore. She looked at me confused trying to understand. Her eyes glanced over to one of the pill bottles.

**"Can't you just try them please?"**

I didn't speak.

**"Please. Please say something Jack."**

I let out a silent sigh.

**"They wont help... How could they."**

**"Just try, if not for yourself, for Nathan. He needs a dad Jack. He needs a father."**

She played the father card.  
I thought hard before speaking.

**"How many a day?"**

**"Just three, one with each meal."**

I slowly stuck out my hand, with a clear look of unhappiness across my face. She slipped the two pills, one for anti coma-ness, into my palm. I looked them over slowly, thinking it over again and again and again. Finally after probably five minutes. I popped them. It felt like I had just swallowed two cactus. I cringed at the feeling, I did not like it at all.

A smile flew across her lips, a scowl still on mine. she stood up and pulled on my hand to follow her. What was she doing? As we entered the main room I could see Nathan already sound asleep. We stopped right in front of our bed.

**"Put on your PJ's"** She said, already dressed in hers.

I was about to question but decided against it. I followed her orders and put on a clean pair of boxers and a long sleeve comfy sleeping shirt. When I turned around again she was

already laying in bed looking at me. I started walking over to the couch to go to sleep.

**"Jack?"**

**"...yea?**" I said confused.

**"You can sleep here tonight."**

What was this a free present because I did what she wanted I swallowed down the two small rocks? Still looking at her confused I slowly made my way over to the bed. Lifting up the

cover I slid in beside her. My eyes rested on her beautiful blue ones. A sudden urge to tell her something came across me and I could not ignore it.

**"You are so beautiful Nami..."**

She didn't verbally respond, only with a small smile. She snuggled up close to me and I wrapped my arm around her small frame.

I never wanted this to end.  
For once in a long, long time.  
I could actually say.  
I was.  
Happy.

----

My eyes slowly opened up. I felt so tired, it couldn't of even been mid day yet. I looked around too see that it was still dark outside. Nami and Nathan were both still asleep too. Sitting up I realized I wasn't where I thought I was. I was across the room, on the couch. Did I get up in the middle of the night and walk over here? What happened, I swear I went to sleep beside Nami...

Slowly sitting up I cracked my neck. Must of slept here, my neck was as stiff as a board. Walking quietly across the floor I went into the kitchen to investigate a little more. Looking around I found the stupid pill bottle on the counter. Twisting the lid off I saw that the foil seal had been broken.

**"So that means I did take one of the pills..."**

I thought aloud trying to remember what else had happened last night. Then a thought came to mind. I looked over to my right arm only to see dark red stains against the bright red sleeve. Lifting it up I found what I expected to find. What once use to be a clean canvas, now tainted a crimson red. Looking back to the bottle I turned it to the back and read the label.

I breezed through the small writing until I found the _'Warning'_ part.

_'May cause abnormal dreaming.  
Head aches,  
Changed eating habits,  
Weight loss,  
and may also increase suicidal behavior in teens and young adults'_

**"No way."** I said putting the bottle back down on the counter.

**"I have enough things to deal with, I don't need any of this shit."**

I started walking out of the kitchen to grab a clean pair of cloths to change into.

**"What the point of an antidepressant if it increases suicidal behavior?"** I mumbled to myself self. Whatever happy mood I thought I was in when I went to sleep was definitely gone now. For all I know it was all a dream. I marched over to the clock to look at the time.

5:59am.

**"Damn.. So early."**

Just as I turned to walk away the alarm went off. It was so loud and I felt like my ears broke. I froze in place, from shock. But before Nami could get up I rushed outside into the fresh air. The air was brisk and cold, that's when I realized it was almost the end of Fall. That meant Christmas was on the way. As I started walking, I thought it'd be nice if I could get something for them both on Christmas. I doubt I'd get anything in return but this seemed like a good idea to show that I still cared even though my actions may of showed other wise. I started shivering in the cool air. It was colder then I thought. I wasn't in the mood to get sick, so I guessed I have to sneak back in. Maybe they hadn't gotten up yet. I really didn't feel like facing anything right now. Then again my curiosity was getting the better of me. I did want to know what happened last night.

Walking through the front door, I saw Nami up and walking around in her PJ's. She was standing in front of the TV watching the weather channel on a low volume because Nathan was still sleeping. Why was it that it always seemed like when you were trying to be quite your house always makes the most noise, but when you don't give two shits it's the quietest pile of wood out there.

She quickly turned around to see who it was coming in the door.

**"Hello Jack."**

**"Um.. Hi.**" I said quietly looking away.

I turned back taking in a breath of air as I was about to say something, but I stopped mid breathe. To my luck Nami heard me. She gave me that 'go onn' look and waiting for me to finish asking. Feeling stuck I had no other choice but to ask to make sure I didn't start anything fight over not saying my question.

**"Well..."** I sighed **"What exactly happened last night?"**

She looked at me with a odd look wondering why I couldn't remember. Probably because I wasn't drunk, for once, and it was just odd that I couldn't remember.

**"Well we."** She stopped to think. **"I went into the kitchen, to find you already in there. I asked you to take your pill, you sat there for a long time then you finally took it."**

**"Nothing else?"** I asked surprised.

**"Well, we did talk a lot before you took it... Then after a while we came out here I was watching tv for about a hour or so, you were still in the kitchen and then after I just went to bed."**

**"Oh..."** I said looking down.

_'So the part I remember after taking the pill was a dream right?' _I thought.

I walked over to the coat rack and grabbed my winter coat.

**"Dress warm, It's cold outside."** and with that I walked back out the door.

---

Wow Lol This was a long chapter, well longer then my other ones. Sorry if it just kinda ends randomly. I wanted to end it before I went on for too long. Cause I've already went on longer then attended. Haha Ok... oh and you guys can expect more of Nami next chapter. Well I hope you guys enjoy this one too. So remember to R&R =D and I'll love you forever lol

-GUNNer


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